so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
