I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
