I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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