Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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