Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
