His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
