That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
