So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
