I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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