if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
