just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
