just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
