K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
