My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
