The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
