he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
