Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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