i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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