so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
