Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
