I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
