No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
