She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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