u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
