Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
