YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
