you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
