I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
