hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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