we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
