My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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