So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
