Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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