Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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