I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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