I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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