In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
