woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
