i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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