she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
