Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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