3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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