Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
