he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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