imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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