I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
