i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
