Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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