you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
