he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
