careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
