meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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