Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
