even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
