Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
