man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
