guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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