Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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