remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
