It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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