forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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