4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
