I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
