I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
