He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
