Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
