Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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