Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize