I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
