I wannas sexs uuuuu
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
