he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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