he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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