i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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